Cognitive Overloading...

Hi there, my beautiful boy.

You enjoying the simple pleasures!

I'm feeling a bit torn at the moment, because I know that you are so overwhelmed with everything... my instinct is to just protect you. If you are happy inside, then I want to keep you inside, occasionally introducing you to the outside and all the crazy things that exist there for you: grass,
gravel, bricks, dark blue sky, the wind rustling in the gum trees, honky-nuts, ants, sunshine on your face, the sound of so many different birds - some scary sounding, some not. That plus a huge time change, plus the enormous difference in temperature... isn't that enough for you to deal with for a few days? I know it is!

BUT we have people to see, relatives to meet, friends to introduce you to. In my ideal world this would wait. Three or four weeks if it had to! But, possum, your daddy is a fan of getting you used to everything all at once instead of drawing out the process. So we jump in the car (!) We just got back

You and your cousin Ashleigh 'playing' haha.

from a long lunch at your Grandpa and Connie's house where you met your Aunty Jill, Uncle Ryan and your cousin Ashleigh. I wish that everyone could see what a giggly and happy boy you are when you aren't totally overloaded! Instead, you are so super sensitive... somebody laughs and you jump and then cry. Somebody coughs or drops something and you jump and then cry. Instead of being giggly with your cousin like you always are with other babies and kiddies now, you cried. I don't blame you, bubby, and I am so so so happy to be the one that you reach for when you are so overwhelmed. I just want you to be happy! But I know you are a gentle soul.

So we are searching for a happy medium... but in the meantime, we are going out tomorrow morning again (yikes...) to Cadi and Joe's house, with two other kiddies, a dog, a cat, two other adults and two other kids. Might have to rethink that at the moment...

I LOOOOOVE you, my baby. I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU! Sleep well, my beautiful beautiful beautiful boy. And I'll see you in the morning.

Love, (lovelovelovelovelove!) Mummy.

Welcome to Australia!

Good morning Daddy! I'm in Australia!

Well, my little boy, it has been a few days, hasn't it! SO much has happened in that time that I fear I will never be able to really catch you up on it all... so I'm going to just focus on the highlights. The biggest of which is that right now you are in your room and I am writing to you while we are in AUSTRALIA! Woah... I am pretty sure that we have repeatedly blown your mind over the last three days. No wonder your little meltdowns are occurring just a little bit more often at the moment. :)

Finally having a bit of sleep on the plane

You went on a plane, Bean! Two, in fact! And wasn't it fun? Hmm... actually... the first hour was fun, wasn't it. The rest really wasn't. And I am so so sorry about those last three hours or so of that enormous journey, where you just were completely beside yourself. I got so upset seeing you like that... I don't think I've ever seen you like that. You were just so incredibly upset. Covered in tears, crying and crying like you were in awful amounts of distress, your whole body tense and red, all hot and sweaty, throwing yourself backwards and being completely inconsolably. I know it was only a few hours, but it felt like the whole flight to me. And when you finally did manage to go to sleep, I just cried and cried after seeing you like that. It wasn't so much that you were being so loud in the plane, it was that you were so upset. I thought that I'd be more worried about disturbing everyone else, but being a mummy changes you. I don't care about anyone else sometimes, little one. Not when you are struggling like that.

What IS this 'grass' business? I haven't seen
it since I was ten weeks old!

But you know what? It's done. And here we are! The smell of Nanny's roast lamb, the sunshine on the back of your neck, the different greens of the leaves on the trees, the feel of grass under your little pudgy fingers, the squawk of the cockatoos... there are SO many new things! And the best thing of all? The chookies! You were so giggly and smiley at them, and later in the day when we went to see them again, you started laughing and kicking your feet in anticipation as we approached the chook pen.

You seem to be really getting used to your Nanny, which is so lovely to see. You pulled on her legs this evening while she was cooking dinner so that she would pick you up and show you the curry she was making, and even once this afternoon you leant towards her for a cuddle when you were upset. Which of course makes her so gooey! And you're so smiley with your Pop when he came home from work too, You've now briefly met your Grangran and Grandpa at the airport (but does that really count?) and your Grandma and Grandpa are coming over for lunch and play-time tomorrow. Can't wait! 

Sleep well, bubbaloo. Jeepers I love you!

Love, Mummy.

Your reaction to seeing the chooks :D

A Sunny Fun Day!

I've been having such a lovely day with you, little one. You make me so happy! It seems that we are all on the mend. Yay!

(Photos by Olga Bushkova: http://www.olgabushkova.com/)

We just had lots of fun dancing around to your special album of Vintage Children's Songs. I was thinking about deleting their crazy version of 'Old Macdonald', but I realised today that you go totally nuts over it! There are bells clanging, horns honking, pots and pans rattling, and while I was holding you, you were wiggling and kicking and squealing like mad during those parts. So... not deleting that one then! Also, we were dancing to 'The Lonely Goatherd' from The Sound of Music and you started kicking your little feet about when the tension continued to rise, so I started spinning you around and dancing faster and faster, and I have never seen or heard a happier boy in my life.

You discovered how much fun a bunch of grapes can be, and how gnawing off chunks of banana from the whole fruit is so much better than having me put bits of it in front of you. This sounds menial, but it isn't! You are starting to discover that fruits come from whole plants, and are beginning to get interested in discovering more about that. It's cool to watch! I could actually see your mind boggle today when I cut some corn off the cob in front of you... you mean it doesn't just automatically come in small yellow bits? I don't know why I haven't been doing this the whole time...

The suitcases are all open and slowly being filled with things to take to Australia... only four more sleeps until we get on that aeroplane, bubbaloo! Are you excited yet?

Love you, my gorgeous boy.

Love, Mummy.

Two Sick Parents

Hi Little One!

I just wanted to say a huge thank you for being such a kind and considerate baby. I truly believe that you knew that your daddy and I were both horrifically head-in-the-toilet sick on Wednesday night, and so you decided to leave it to us and to sleep better than you ever have in all memory. This means that you did not ONCE wake up until 2.30am! And the next day, while your daddy and I looked after you in one-hourly shifts while the other slept, you played almost totally independently. And then? The cherry on the sundae? You had a two hour sleep in the morning and a three hour sleep in the afternoon. Who are you?!

So a huge thank you, bubbaloo. I don't know how we would have made it through without your help.

Big squidgy hugs!

Love, Mummy.

ENOUGH already!

My poor little sausage! You are sick AGAIN! Mama mia, let's just get on that plane to Australia already, and leave all this bad luck behind!

Monday night was a doozey, that's for sure. I've never seen you sick like that... we stayed up together all night, as I was afraid that you were going to choke when you threw up every fifteen minutes or so. Each time, I needed to pick you up and hold you through it, talking to you about how brave you are and how this feeling won't last forever. I held you when you needed me, you crawled on top of me when you needed to, you lay your head on my pillow next to mine when you wanted to.  In a way, it was like you knew that I needed you close to me too. Little Bean, I never ever would wish you to be sick, but you can be mighty adorable when you are.

As usual, being sick doesn't stop you from being AMAZING!

You danced for the first time! You were standing and holding onto the back of the couch, and Emiliana Torrini's 'Jungle Drum' came on, and you started wiggling like crazy, rocking back and forth and smiling. I stopped the music and you had a little whinge, and when I started it again, you started again with the crazy dance moves. SUPER CUTE, little boy!

Another first was watching telly with your mummy. We have never before sat you in front of the television, but you really needed to just be still and relax (which we all know you aren't famous for), so we had adorable cuddles and watched some kids' TV. You were totally mesmerised.

Be well, little boy. Enough is enough now. It's time for my healthy muffin to come back to me.

I love you a bushell and a peck.

Love, Mummy.

Too Much Excitement for a Monday Morning!

Little Mister! You scared your Mamma this morning! Don't do it again!

My poor boy has had a tough ride lately!

Your lovely daddy was with you downstairs, and I was just getting out of bed. It was around 6.45am, I think. And then the crazy crying starts, and I hear your dad yell for me. Wowsers I've never run down the stairs that quickly! And do you know what greeted me? A little boy with what appeared to be masses of blood coming out of his mouth, blood all over his shirt and pants (though... okay... it wasn't that much... but at the time?). In hindsight, we now know that in such situations, your dad should say, 'It's okay, he fell over,' or something similar. Instead, I flash through all your crazy illnesses of the last month and think that there is something much more sinister going on that has been undiagnosed, and now you are coughing up blood. YIKES!

So, you fell over. We've had a talk, and you agreed that you will never again in your life fall over. Remember that, okay? :) You just slipped while you were doing your usual creeping antics, and by the looks of your mouth, it seems that your bottom teeth have cut open your top gums. You DO have teeth up the top as well, but there is a lot of gum too, and the teeth are actually a bit recessed, which is weird (though I'm sure normal for the minute). It looks really sore, little bub! You silly muffin!

Meanwhile, we had a lovely weekend of visiting the horses before lunch with Olga and Misha at Fork and Bottle (I thought you would be fascinated by them, but you were strangely non-plussed... people are MUCH more interesting!), and then visiting some friends and hanging out with their kiddies, trying not to get stepped on. I'm sorry I was a super grumpy mummy on Sunday morning... I hope you didn't notice too much. I tried to be grumpy only when you were asleep (is that weird?). But, my little one, we still wait for the night where we say 'see you in the morning' and it magically happens.

Olga just visited us and took at least five hundred photos of you, so I'm excited to see what gorgeous faces you were pulling! She brought two croissants and a cute little turtle-bun with raisin eyes for you. Maybe, as a treat, you can try a bit of that turtle this afternoon. Ooo aah!

Love you, bubbaloo.

Love, Mummy.

10 Months Today!

Dear Big Bean

We did a little photo shoot for your ten month day today, little boy! Perhaps having a magnificent lunch with our Russian photographer friends Olga and Misha inspired us... Or it could just be your general awesomeness of being...

I hope you enjoy your photos, bubbaloo. Your daddy and I love them.

Your Daddy capturing the magic of a
nappy-change on the run

Kissing your ten-month-old toes!

We tried for so long to take a cute photo of you,
but you wouldn't keep your tongue in! So Daddy gave
you some of your own medicine :) 

What a poser!

Perfecting your squats - you've been watching
Mummy doing her netball workouts!

My favourite, my happy boy. I started singing,
'I Love You, a Bushell and a Peck', and you started smiling.

Love you, my ten month old Bub!

Love, Mummy.

An Ouchy Morning

Hi there, my beautiful blue-eyed boy,

Poor little boy...

You've had a tough morning, little Bean. You're still not one hundred percent healthy... I've been worried about your middle finger particularly, because it wasn't reacting at all to the antibiotic cream, and the pus-filled area was just continuing to grow... as was your enormous poor red finger... So back to the doctor we went. We were lucky that we got a really early appointment, so your Daddy could come along too and read you your 'Baby Faces' book. You were such a big brave boy when the doctor opened up your finger and cleaned it out. Of course if hurt, bubba. You poor boy... you kept trying so hard to turn around so I could give you a proper cuddle, but I couldn't. You made me cry a little bit, you know! But that's a mummy's job, I hear.

Having an ouchy finger wasn't going to
stop you from trying to walk today!

After the bandage was put on and you were given a thousand cuddles and kisses from both your daddy and I. We love you so much, little boy, and I'm sorry that you've had such a tough few weeks.  I really hope this is the end of it, now.

So, little boy, be good when I have to change your dressing each night! I know you're not such a fan of sitting still... :)

Love you, my beautiful boy.

Love, Mummy.



P.S. I'm writing this later in the day now... I changed your bandage and I'm sorry it looks so shoddy! Haha. Not at all like the doctor, but somehow I can't get you to hold still the way he can! Though you had a great time splashing around with the betadine while watching Playschool... I knew I'd have to pull out some TV for you sometime or another!

Three Amazing Things!

Dear Beanie,

You amaze me! Three amazing things to tell you about!

Guess what you did this morning? I was lying on the rug, your Daddy was on the couch, you were doing your usual trick of crawling all over me. Truth be told, I wasn't fully dressed yet... just in my bra and undies. Your Daddy and I were chatting and you were busy playing with my bra-strap (ooh this might be embarrassing for you to read later, eh?). I said, 'Ruben, where's my belly button?' and BAM! You first turned to look at it, then pointed at it with your gorgeous pudgy little finger. WOOT! Your poor Daddy didn't see it, so I asked you again, and you did it again! What a smart cookie you are.

You've also said your first word, besides 'mama' and 'dada'. I'm always listening, trying to figure
out if these sounds you make are meant to mean something. I'm sure they do... I'm sure you actually

"Nini!"

 said your first word weeks ago, but we just couldn't figure it out. Like your 'enge enge enge enge'... does that mean 'hungry'? Or... 'train'? Ha. But this time I'm sure! We have been haphazardly doing some baby sign language with you, and although I had about eight signs in the beginning, the only one I've really consistently used is 'finished'. So after each meal, I ask if you're finished and I do the sign. Now, you don't bother doing any of your jazz-hands signing, and you just exclaim, 'Nini! Nini! Nini!' I know that you mean 'finished', because you don't use this word for any other thing at any other time. And as soon as I pick you up out of your chair, you stop saying it. SO PROUD of you, my little superstar!

There was one other thing... what is it...

Oh yes! The bus! You love looking out the windows at the trains and the buses, the cars, the dogs, the prams and the old ladies holding hands. When you are tired, we stand at the window and watch the streetscape. You've always seemed particularly interested in the Big Red Bus that comes every half hour. Now, what amazes me, little one, is that wherever we are, whatever we are doing, you always hear the bus coming, despite the fact that the traffic noise with the double glazed glass is so minimal. You can distinguish it from any truck or van - you know it is the Big Red Bus! You always flip your head around frantically and I try to take you to the window fast enough to see it. If we manage to spot it in time, you always have a look of supreme joy.

:) You and this bubble? That's like me with you.

These little things, bubbaloo, make me so happy to be your Mama. Even if you are my little Night Monster ;)

Love you, Beanie.

Love, Mummy.

My Night Monster

Hello there, my little Night Monster!

Lucky you are so super cute, little muffin!
 Look at all your new hair!

Yes, you heard me right, little boy. GOSH I love you, but jeepers you drive me mental sometimes! I mean, where did you hear on the grapevine that it was okay to be so stubborn about wanting to play in the middle of the night? Not cool, little bean. The hours between 11pm and 3.30am are for sleeping, muffin! I even took you to the windows and showed you that there were no cars to look at, and that every single window that we could see was dark. You were on your own. After three hours of battling against the mummy cuddles, I finally just put you down on the ground, and you were off like a shot. Crawled straight to the dishwasher, pulled up on the baby gate, just ran around like wild! And every ten seconds you'd turn to look at me in the dim light with the biggest biggest smile on your face. You instantly forgave me for trying to get you to sleep. And even in the wee hours, after only fifteen minutes sleep, I couldn't help but laugh. When you did FINALLY go to sleep, you were in your cot, you'd crawled forwards until your head hit the end, and then you rested your head (yay!) on the mattress and slept. Your knees were still underneath you, your cute little bottom poking up in the air.

Downward dog. Hold it.... hold it....

We have to skip baby yoga again today, bub, because your fingers are still infected and probably contagious. You poor thing... it looks so painful. But not to worry - you'll do your own baby yoga like you did yesterday! Haha.

You drive me bonkers, bubbaloo, but I love you.

Love (a very very very tired) Mummy.

Bed-time Bliss

Oh my little boy, how I love you!

Photo by Olga Bushkova

I have just put you to bed... each night, we do all the bedtime routine business, then the light goes out and it is just you and me in the dark, sitting in the chair, you drinking your bottle before I put you in bed. It is such a special time for me. You usually have your free hand out and roaming around for something to grasp as you drink... and the first thing you usually find is my little finger. You curl your chubby little fingers around there for a moment, and then free yourself again for further explorations. Then come the moments I treasure: Your hand finds my face, and I feel you relax a little more in my arms. For the remaining time, your hands roams my face as you drift into relaxation - my nose, my cheeks, my ear, my lips, my chin, my neck. Until finally your hand rests against my chest, you pull away from the bottle, ask for the dummy, and then I take you to your bed. You roll towards me, I put a hand against your back, kiss your cute little curly-haired head and sneak out.

Each and every night I say, "Sleep well, my love, see you in the morning." One day it will come true. :)

I love you, my boy.
Love, Mummy.

Saturdays with Daddy

Hi bubba!

I want to tell you what your daddy said this morning. He said that he just LOVES having a son! And do you know why? Because it gives him an excuse to make hilarious sound effects for every little thing all of the time. Haha. Of course that's just one of the thousand reasons... I love it because it allows me to have no shame: I sing in public to you all the time, I use my froggy mittens to do puppet shows as I walk with you in the pram, we dance, we tickle, we laugh whole-heartedly. I love you for bringing that out in me!

We are still avoiding all friends, what with your infections, but it's only the things your infected face touches, so you are safe to take to the supermarket now. Yippee! Small victories. It was nice to get out today a little. And your daddy organised your bike trailer so we can perhaps go for your first bike ride tomorrow! Weather and health permitting. If not tomorrow, then soon, little one!

I love you. Thanks for bringing such lightness to my soul.

Love, Mummy

Moments to bottle up!

Dear Beanie,

Well, it was I who made the discovery today, not you! We go for a walk each morning and you have your morning nap in the pram. Then we have to get home... I don't really like you being in the pram totally awake, because you get this blank stare on your face as if you are watching television. You can't participate, you are simply a spectator. I discovered that, if I pick you up and walk with you in one arm whilst pushing the pram with the other, you will just giggle the whole entire way home. Really. The whole way home! You giggle at dogs, at bikes, at runners, at ducks, at trains, at leaves that I let you touch, even at the clouds, it seems! Now keep in mind, not-so-little boy, that you are quite the lump, so this may not happen every day... especially not before coffee...

Ouchies on your face... 

We had a beautiful moment about an hour ago. You were on the couch with me, having your bottle (yay!) and you seemed to realise what a great achievement it is to be able to drink from your bottle again. You finished, looked at me and just did a little satisfied smile. I gave you a big kiss on the cheek and said, 'Well done! Good boy!' and you looked at me and smiled again. I continued to give you lots of little kisses all over your beautiful face and you just sucked it up with that look of contentment. Afterwards, you turned around so you could give me a big cuddle. Oh, I could just bottle that moment up!

Back to the doctor again this morning because a little sore on your thumb is turning into something awful like the ulcers on your face, with about ten smaller ones erupting around it. Poor muffin. We've got it all under control now (so he says, so I hope!) and I'm looking forward to your skin being perfect and healthy again very soon.

Kisses at 5 months

Love you, bubbaloo.
Love, Mummy.

Musical discoveries

Hi little boy!

You discovered the drum-stick today, the one that your Daddy caught when he and I went to see the band Cake in concert a while ago. You realised that you could reach for things on the bookcase that were higher than your head, and you even stood on tip-toes to get it.

Sticking with musical discoveries, you scared the bajeebus out of yourself when you discovered what the volume nob on the amp does! Fleet Foxes were playing 'Helplessness Blues' and you had a good old cry over that one. Silly duffa! So now, no doubt, you are going to make a bee-line for the nob to play with every time you're over there... sorry, neighbours!

Putting cream around your mouth
is quite the mission...

I'm so proud of you today, little one. You are healthy again! You had a full bottle (yay! Finally!) and just had a picky lunch, like your old self. Corn (which you like to grab a handful of, smoosh somewhere near your mouth, and hope that some of it gets inside somehow), cottage cheese, zucchini and blueberries, and I fed you some plain cereal. You also had lots of water out of your new cup, though I don't know how much you actually drink - it's mainly just playing with it in your mouth and then spraying it all over the table. But I know that if you were dehydrated you'd get some, so I'm a happy mummy today.

Love you, bubbaloo. Did you know that it's less than three weeks now until we jump on an aeroplane and head to Australia to meet your Grandma and Grandpa, your Granny, your Aunty Jill and Uncle Ryan and your cousin Ashleigh, and until you get to have lots of cuddles again with Nanny and Pop? Wowsers!

Snow drops on our morning walk today

Love, Mummy.

Getting better...

Dear Beanie,

Thank God you seem to be a bit better today. I've been worried about you, little one! You've had one hell of a rough week. Your daddy and I have had to do our usual night shifts, where I look after you until 3am and he takes the morning shift, and you have been waking every ten or fifteen minutes in hunger, thirst and pain. It has been awful to watch, and I'm sure it has been awful for you to struggle through. Eating and drinking is obviously so painful for you... 

Look at those blueberries! And that water!
The mango was just a dream... but worth a shot.

BUT this morning you have turned a corner. We spoke with Nanny and Pop, and you were nice and chirpy, unlike yesterday when I used Nanny as a way to try and snap you out of your seemingly-endless bout of crying. You even had some blueberries (though with a grimace) and didn't spit them out, AND you actually had a few sips of water from my glass! The bottle is still a definite no-no, which means that I'm still worried about your dehydration, but you are on the mend. Phew! 

We just had a really fun time playing together upstairs, where we play 'stormy seas' on the bed. I lie down with you on top of me, and we rock one way and then the other, pretending that we are on a hammock in a boat, with the waves crashing around us. You always love that, and I love watching your face so close to mine when it is so happy. 

As I said yesterday, every day has new discoveries for you. A ladybird flew in the window today and we watched it crawl up and down the glass and then fly away. Spring is here, my love! We also started playing a game where I put your little toy lion on your head. You discovered that if you sit reallllly still, it stays there. If you flick your little head one way or another, it falls off that specific direction. This had you SO excited! You began to flick your little head even before I got the lion on top!

We've pulled out your ball house the last few days. We're pulling out all the stops to keep you happy at the moment! You climbed in there today and played peekaboo with me, and then for the first time you picked up a ball in each hand and banged them together. You were in there, totally entertained doing this, for probably ten minutes. Amazing! I wonder what you will bang together next...

My happy boy is back! And with a wee-filled
nappy! What more could I ask for :)

Love you, little boy. 

Love, Mummy. 

Dear Beanie, 9 months 19 days.

Dear Beanie,

I've wanted to write to you for months now, and I've finally decided to begin. Right now I'm sitting on our red couch, the washing up is in the sink, the laundry is in the basket and your toys are strewn across the living room (and the kitchen... and the dining table....). You are in your room right next to me, snoozing away.

You are nine and a half months old (though I can barely believe it) and the reason why I have decided to start writing to you is simple. You amaze me every day. Every single day, you do something new and something that makes me boggle. Sometimes they are big things, like finally crawling forwards after two months of only being able to move backwards and getting stuck underneath all the furniture, and sometimes they are small things, like the time when you opened the door by pushing down on the handle - something you had obviously been watching me do for months. But it is the little things that are sometimes the most fun. The little things are the things that come so unexpectedly and always make me laugh. I don't want to forget those little things, and I want you to know the joy that they bring to me.

Poor little sick boy at the doctor. 

You are very sick at the moment, little Bean, and yet you are still my joy. I know that you are in a lot of pain, my love, and it hurts to have even water from a spoon, and yet you still have your moments throughout the day where you explore and discover and laugh a raspy, sore-throated laugh.  Today you discovered the tea drawer and the way you can pull out the canisters and use them as rattles. You also did your creeping along this very couch and when I played pat-a-cake with your hands, tapping them one after the other, you then copied me and clapped your hand against mine. And, of course, then looked at me cheekily. It's these little things that amaze me!

'You're writing a letter to ME, Mummy?'

Alright, you are awake now... you're not a happy waker, that's for sure! Even when you are totally healthy. I just had to pull out all stops: Read your 'That's not my Puppy!' book, then your 'There was an Old Lady' book, and then, when that didn't work, pull out the bubbles. Here you are right now, watching me finish this post, almost with a smile on your little face.

I love you, little Bean! Until tomorrow, where you discover something else amazing.

Love, Mummy.