Portrait Series: 1/52 - Mister Blue Eyes

Dear Beanie,

I want to bottle up your little fourteen-month-old self. You are so beautiful to me that I just about burst every ten minutes!

I've decided to steal a wonderful idea from another mother of another beautiful little boy (who I think often looks like you!), and to post a portrait a week. I must admit, those first lot of photos are from last week... but it is the first time I've tried (since the disastrous attempts to take a passport photo of your five-week-old self) to take your portrait. It was for your admission forms for the local kinderkrippe (playgroup/daycare), and it was such fun! I took these photos just as you awoke from your nap. I know that I'm already cheating by posting the collage first, but cest la vie... real rules begin next week ;) And I think this captures your real essence.

And your official portrait? From today? Oh, mister blue eyes!

A portrait of my son, once a week, every week.

I love you, bubbaloo!

Love Mummy

I'm always coming back...

Oh, my little one, my little heart broke this morning to see you so upset! We will spend the rest of the day cuddling together, I promise. And no matter what, my beautiful boy, I will always come back for you. I want to say that I will never leave you, but that isn't true. Sometimes you will be having super fun at the krippe without me. And when your Nanny comes from Australia in ten weeks, she will probably love to have some alone time with you too!

So here is my promise to you: I will always love you. And I will always come back for you. You are my number one.

Oh how I love you, little one!

I have been going to physiotherapy three times a week for my shoulder (You are HEAVY!), but always early in the mornings so you can stay here with your daddy and play. But this time it wasn't possible, so the physio suggested I bring you along! She has heard so much about you and couldn't wait to meet you. So, armed with toys and books and blueberries, off we went.

It was a total disaster. :( You were dressed so super duper cute in your little monster onesie and red overalls, and everyone there was going all gooey saying hi to you (who wouldn't?!). When we went into the room for my treatment, you had a little explore of all the fun balls she had put there for you, you spent a minute trotting around and around the bed, poking all the screws and buttons, and you even tried to lift up the 5kg weight. But then in came Sandra. She introduced herself to you in such a sweet way, and then she got me to lie down on the bed. And that is when you went completely and utterly ballistic. Oh, my boy, I have only ever seen you like that once before, and that was on our big plane trip to Australia (another story!). You screamed so so loud, when normally you never ever scream. You went bright red from head to toe, you started shaking and you cried the biggest fattest tears that a mummy has ever seen. I'm crying just thinking about it!

At the time, I didn't understand why you were upset. I was only one metre away from you. But then, when you were fine again while I was doing some push-up style exercises with you lying underneath me, I realised that you must have thought that I was going to leave you there with Sandra. That is why we were giving you so many toys, why she introduced herself, and why I had talked all morning about going to the physio (the same way I do when we go to the krippe). You did not take your hands off me the entire time we were there. We came home and you have been okay, but very quiet. You ate a great lunch, but quietly. You didn't even make a peep when the bus went past. Now you are quietly asleep, three metres from me, and I just want to pick you up and hold you forever.

I love you so much, my baby boy. I'm sorry that you have this anxiety. Know how much I love you. Know that you are my number one. I will always come back for you, my little bean.

Missing You

Hi, my happiness.

I'm missing you. We've started the introduction weeks at the local kinderkrippe and, although you'll eventually be going there two days a week, you've been there every day in some form or other for what feels like ages now. Yesterday you were there from 9 until 3, and by around 1pm I was itching, jumping from foot to foot, waiting for the clock to tick tick tick tick tick. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting at home doing nothing - I am doing all the things that you would normally hate, or that I just have not had the quiet time to be able to do. To read my friend's manuscript, to work on my own, to do grocery shopping for bigger things than I can normally carry whilst pushing a pram, to vacuum. My aim is to use the time when you are away to work on my book, but there are a few things that need to be ticked off my 14-month-long to-do list first.

I wrote about how I miss you, but I didn't share that with you. I think I should. Here is what I wrote:

It is so incredibly strange to be without my boy. I feel like an amputee with phantom limb pains. Every time I see a bus, I say "bus!" in my head in a very excited manner, knowing how his eyes would light up when he hears this, how his head would be frantically turning left and right in search of this treasure, how he'd giggle and say 'Bah?', looking to me for confirmation. The same goes for every single bird and every puppy that I see. And I didn't realise how many there were... Every time I see another little toddler, I imagine them and my bean looking at each other, talking to each other in their own special language, him giggling (he's always giggling!).

Birdies! Everywhere!
(and yes the water is so clear! And deep!)

Now though, I'm back in Horgen, just in case they call me and say he's beside himself. I can hear the church bells strike twelve times. It's nap time. There is something so magical about holding a tired little bubbaloo in my arms, his big blue eyes locking with mine, knowing that he is safe, that I am there, laying him in his bed and watching him turn to the side, cock his head back to that ever-uncomfortable-looking angle, placing my enormous hand on his back as his breathing slows, kissing his head and creeping out the door. And then, of course, popping back in five minutes later to stare at him for a moment, smile, and suck in the wonder.

I'm sitting on the banks of the lake right now, typing this out just before I head to Hotel Schwann to buy myself lunch by the fountain while I read my book (presuming I don't get a phone call saying that you won't sleep and I need to collect you!). The old paddle-steamer has just rolled up and given a long TOOOOT, which I know my boy would go nuts over. Perhaps, right now, he's dreaming of being a paddle-steamer captain and tooting that horn whenever he likes.

'...in your dream boat, down to Blanket Bay.'

I love you, my gorgeous boy. Goodness I love you. 

Love Mummy. 

Badi times

Hi Mr Boo!

I've found myself calling you 'Boo' lately. I don't know why... Maybe because it's a short version of 'Bubbaloo'? It's definitely not because you're scary though, he he.

We had a lovely day today, visiting the Badi in the morning, coming back for your nap, then heading back again in the afternoon. It's so wonderful to actually enjoy the summer time! You are quite possibly the cutest little muffin ever in your little pirate suit, and it seems that everyone agrees! I love how it accentuates your wonderfully cuddlable belly. It's great to see you becoming more and more comfortable with both the water and the crowds. Your becoming quite the social butterfly, giggling at the older girls so they play with you, sharing your bucket like a champ, playing pat-a-cake with a little girl while mummy and daddy have coffee... You're a joy. You're my joy!

You know it. I love you!

Solo sliding!

Little boy!!!

You went down the slide today at the Migros alllll by yourself! You climbed up the three big levels, turned yourself around, and went feet first on your tummy with the biggest grin on your face. To make it better, your daddy was there to watch you do it, and he was clapping up a storm, he was so proud. You're amazing! So big and brave and seriously amazing.

Goodness, I love you! And goodness, your Daddy loves you too!
Love Mummy.