Portrait Series: Your first pose

Dear Beanie,

After many many portraits of you, this week something changed. For the first time, you were aware of your photo being taken. Sure, in the past you knew there was a black box with lots of buttons (!) pointed at you, but now you understand what this means. You had been busy playing with your new alphabet mat, and then the camera came out. You stood up, faced the lens, put your hands by your sides -- all with a serious look on your face -- and then smiled.

A portrait of my son, once a week every week.
Your first pose.

I feel a little bittersweet about this. It worries me that children are so aware of their own image now, largely because of this digital age (could I sound any older?!) and the ability to have their photo taken and then immediately view their image. I thought that you were still a little too young to have reached the mirror stage, where you recognise that the little boy in the mirror is actually you, but it turns out that you are at exactly that age now. Perhaps you now know what you look like and can recognise that the boy in those images on that screen (and in the mirror) is actually you, and that you can have some control over that image.

This is another thing that I just need to relinquish control over. It is something that will happen... but I'm not sure it is something I'm ready for. It is one of my strongest wishes as your mummy to raise you to be confident in your own skin and to truly know how beautiful you are. I want you never ever ever to doubt this. You are such an incredible creation. Watching your amazing body achieve all the amazing things that bodies are capable of... I want you to forever love that!

Meanwhile, I did also manage to catch an unposed photo of you, where I made you giggle. I know which one I like better... Though there is something in this picture that makes you look about five years old, not seventeen months!

I love you, my beautiful boy!

Love, Mummy.