Portrait Series: Your first pose

Dear Beanie,

After many many portraits of you, this week something changed. For the first time, you were aware of your photo being taken. Sure, in the past you knew there was a black box with lots of buttons (!) pointed at you, but now you understand what this means. You had been busy playing with your new alphabet mat, and then the camera came out. You stood up, faced the lens, put your hands by your sides -- all with a serious look on your face -- and then smiled.

A portrait of my son, once a week every week.
Your first pose.

I feel a little bittersweet about this. It worries me that children are so aware of their own image now, largely because of this digital age (could I sound any older?!) and the ability to have their photo taken and then immediately view their image. I thought that you were still a little too young to have reached the mirror stage, where you recognise that the little boy in the mirror is actually you, but it turns out that you are at exactly that age now. Perhaps you now know what you look like and can recognise that the boy in those images on that screen (and in the mirror) is actually you, and that you can have some control over that image.

This is another thing that I just need to relinquish control over. It is something that will happen... but I'm not sure it is something I'm ready for. It is one of my strongest wishes as your mummy to raise you to be confident in your own skin and to truly know how beautiful you are. I want you never ever ever to doubt this. You are such an incredible creation. Watching your amazing body achieve all the amazing things that bodies are capable of... I want you to forever love that!

Meanwhile, I did also manage to catch an unposed photo of you, where I made you giggle. I know which one I like better... Though there is something in this picture that makes you look about five years old, not seventeen months!

I love you, my beautiful boy!

Love, Mummy.

Autumn

Dear Beanie,

This time last year I was writing about October. It was snowing, the leaves were crimson, and there was a week of warm sunshine forecast. October simply must be my favourite month of the year, and although the first two weeks of this October were grey and filled with what we Aussies call 'European Rain' (that is, rain that just seems to penetrate slowly into everything, including your brain), the last two have redeemed it. It remains my favourite month!

A beautiful Autumn day!

The colours are just incredible, and something that I could never have imagined before living here. It is strange for me to think that this, along with snow and lakes and mountains and punctuality, will be your idea of normal; that Eucalypts, the Indian Ocean and magpie song will be a thing of holidays only.

The incredible colours of October

You are walking more and more lately and we are using the pram less and less. You are fascinated by the fallen leaves and my heart swells in predictable joy to watch you run about in them and fling them above your head, as if you are in an advert for some children's clothing brand.

While I still remain a little scared about the winter and all the slipping, sliding and crashing that will surely entail when we have a new-ish walking boy holding the hand of his mummy who has very little ice and snow experience, we will embrace this new existence together and, as with many future things I'm sure, you will no doubt have much to teach me by the season's end.

I love you, my beautiful happy boy.

Love, Mummy.

Portrait Series: Being a Baby

Hello my little muffin!

I'm still sick, so I'm sorry I haven't written to you much lately. There are so many things I need to write to you about... about your first colouring in competition, about your wonderful relationship with your nanny who is currently visiting from Australia, about your newfound love of all things to do with construction sites, and a thousand times about your changing sleep patterns. Sleep is so boring when you are getting enough, but when you spend seventeen months of your life in a zombie state of exhaustion (maybe one day you will have your own babies and will understand!), sleep is the most exciting thing in the whole world!

But right now, it's portrait time.

A portrait of my son, once a week, every week.
Being a Baby! 

Your life is one big contradiction at the moment, little boy! I spend so much time throughout the day telling you what a big boy you are now and how proud we are of you for not needing a bottle at night (though you still really want one!), telling everyone that will listen and telling all your stuffed animals how you are such a big boy. But then you are having these moments for the past week or two where you love pretending to be a baby! It is the cutest thing ever. You found your old play-gym from when you were a baby, and you love to lie under it like the 'old days' and kick at the mobile and the bell. You always giggle when we say you are 'being a baby'. It makes me laugh and laugh, because of course you are still my little baby! Once your nanny got underneath it to pretend to be a baby too, and you squished yourself in next to her for some giggly time together. So so cute!

Goodness, I love you, my big boy / little baby.

Love Mummy.

Portrait Series: Small Spaces

Dear Beanie,

This will be a super short letter today, as I'm sick in bed and your daddy and Nanny have taken you for a fun day in the mountains.

Small spaces

I chose this photo of you because it shows how you are becoming just a little more confident with going into tricky places. You are yet to ever venture into anything that resembles a tunnel, though you are squeezing into places and very occasionally crawling under chairs or under the table. The day when you pop your whole body into the tunnel at the playground will be a big one!  I don't like tunnels either... Your nanny says you must still be scarred from your tough birth, haha. Perhaps! Who knows!

I love you, muffin.

Love, Mummy.

Seventeen Months: "WOW!"

Dear Beanie,

Happy seventeen months! "Wow!", you'd say, and you'd be right! 

Truly a happy little boy!

I thought I'd start your monthly update by telling you all the things that other people say about you. You know that your daddy and I think you're the bee's knees, but what about the rest of the world? These are some things that people repeatedly say about you – both friends and strangers: You are gentle, sweet, so contented, you have the absolute cutest laugh, you are inquisitive, a thinker and an analyser, you are tentative, you are kind. And you are happy. It makes me so happy when other people tell me how happy you seem!

What can you do now?

A productive morning from my analytical boy :)

Your daddy and I agree: You have come leaps and bounds in the past month! It seems as if your brain has been so entirely focused on mastering walking and all that goes with it (walking sideways, walking backwards, walking on your toes, running, trotting, jumping, spinning, stair climbing...) that all of your cognitive development was kind of put on hold. And now there has been a total explosion! 


One month ago, you couldn't happily sit at your table and draw. Instead, you'd grab your pencils, pens and crayons, run over to our chest and insert them into the small slots, as if it was a shape sorter. Now you love to sit and draw. And just recently, you've discovered how much fun it is to draw all over yourself too :) 

One month ago, You couldn't drink from a cup or a bottle yourself. Or... should I say... you didn't. Now you are an expert! Though not at night in the cot... but this will come, if it needs to (which hopefully it won't!). 

One months ago, you would have a tantrum in frustration when you tried to do the wooden fruit puzzle. I'd have to put the apple just half a centimetre from its place and you'd have to slide it over to fit it in. Now, you can do the puzzle, almost every time, all by yourself! 

One month ago, reading books involved big board books only, and really was just about you flipping the pages as quickly as possible. Now, you listen to a story, you are gentle with real paper books, and you love to hunt around in the pictures for trees, balls, puppies, birds, cars, buses, boats and cows and elephants.


Now all of these things make you say, “WOW!” all day, every day. Indeed, little one. Wow!  

You amaze me, bean.

I love you.

Love, Mummy.

Flour Fight!

Dear Beanie,

When I was fifteen years old, I remember going to my friend's house and having an enormous flour fight. I have no idea how it came about... it certainly wasn't our intention, but it happened. I had flour everywhere! I still remember the problems that came about when I thought it would be a good idea to wash it all out of my ear... did you know that when you mix flour and water, it makes dough? Not a good idea when it's in your ear, my love.

That brings me to you. Actually, in two ways, one of which was unexpected until just now... but that little story reminded me that a few days ago you thought it would be a good idea to shove a bunch of very sticky vegetable risotto into your ear. Please don't do that again, my love. It wasn't pretty.

But. Back to the flour.

You didn't say it had to stay on the table, Mummy. 

I've been thinking a bit about what sort of things I can do to keep you entertained inside a little when the weather turns grey and sleety. A friend gave me a link to an amazing list of toddler friendly activities, and I decided to give one of them a try: Plopping you down at your table with a mound of flour and letting you loose.

WOW! What fun! Let's just say that you are lucky that I don't have OCD, because it was not a very tidy activity, but I don't think I have ever seen you entertained by the one thing for such a long time! If only we could bring bags of flour onto aeroplanes...

The great surprise for me was your joy in helping to clean up. In fact, your favourite song at the moment is the 'put away' song, so perhaps you will end up fighting all the odds and being a very tidy person after all.

I should give you this toy more often!

I love watching you discover, little one. I love it when you expose me to things that I had never seen the fun in before.

I love you!

Love, Mummy.

Portrait Series: Declaration of Independence

Dear Beanie,

You are growing up so quickly now, my love! My physiotherapist today asked me how much I am having to hold you now, and I realised it isn't so much anymore. You are becoming more and more independent, and I can feel now that I am going to be one of those sappy nostalgic parents that reminds you of times gone by.

A portrait of my son, once a week, every week.
The Declaration of Independence:
Desperate to get out the door and get walking!  

Becoming more independent is tough. You are having to learn how to tell me what you want when you aren't yet capable of voicing it. During the past week you've discovered that the most efficient way of doing this is with the dreaded tantrum. I am having to learn how to navigate these tantrums by avoiding the things that I know will trigger them (like taking a different walking route that avoids the buttons for the lift, by giving you choices, by ensuring you are well fed and not tired) and figuring out what to do once they reach full force.

Walking! All the cool kids are
doing it, and it's all you want to do! 

Your new trick is to sit down. When there is something you want and aren't getting immediately, you plop yourself on the ground with such force! On Tuesday, I saved you from injury by catching your head as you flung it backwards full power towards the asphalt footpath. You wanted to run onto the road and in front of the bus, you see. And that's just not allowed.

We each have to learn how to deal with your newfound desire for independence, my gorgeous boy. And, as much as I love you, my number one rule at the moment is that a tantrum will never ever ever ever ever get you what you want. I can't wait until you can make real sentences and I can teach you words to explain your emotions, encourage you to speak about what it is that is making you angry/frustrated/bored. But in the meantime... we are just navigating those waters!

(Now I know it's cheating, but can I just slip in another photo of you? You are just so so so super cute that I can't not! You've started to really get into drawing, and you always have such a wonderful look of contentment on your face when you do. So this is a sneaky two-portrait week.)

My little blue-eyed boy, oh how I love you! 

I love you, little one. Goodness I do!

Love, Mummy.