I'm always coming back...

Oh, my little one, my little heart broke this morning to see you so upset! We will spend the rest of the day cuddling together, I promise. And no matter what, my beautiful boy, I will always come back for you. I want to say that I will never leave you, but that isn't true. Sometimes you will be having super fun at the krippe without me. And when your Nanny comes from Australia in ten weeks, she will probably love to have some alone time with you too!

So here is my promise to you: I will always love you. And I will always come back for you. You are my number one.

Oh how I love you, little one!

I have been going to physiotherapy three times a week for my shoulder (You are HEAVY!), but always early in the mornings so you can stay here with your daddy and play. But this time it wasn't possible, so the physio suggested I bring you along! She has heard so much about you and couldn't wait to meet you. So, armed with toys and books and blueberries, off we went.

It was a total disaster. :( You were dressed so super duper cute in your little monster onesie and red overalls, and everyone there was going all gooey saying hi to you (who wouldn't?!). When we went into the room for my treatment, you had a little explore of all the fun balls she had put there for you, you spent a minute trotting around and around the bed, poking all the screws and buttons, and you even tried to lift up the 5kg weight. But then in came Sandra. She introduced herself to you in such a sweet way, and then she got me to lie down on the bed. And that is when you went completely and utterly ballistic. Oh, my boy, I have only ever seen you like that once before, and that was on our big plane trip to Australia (another story!). You screamed so so loud, when normally you never ever scream. You went bright red from head to toe, you started shaking and you cried the biggest fattest tears that a mummy has ever seen. I'm crying just thinking about it!

At the time, I didn't understand why you were upset. I was only one metre away from you. But then, when you were fine again while I was doing some push-up style exercises with you lying underneath me, I realised that you must have thought that I was going to leave you there with Sandra. That is why we were giving you so many toys, why she introduced herself, and why I had talked all morning about going to the physio (the same way I do when we go to the krippe). You did not take your hands off me the entire time we were there. We came home and you have been okay, but very quiet. You ate a great lunch, but quietly. You didn't even make a peep when the bus went past. Now you are quietly asleep, three metres from me, and I just want to pick you up and hold you forever.

I love you so much, my baby boy. I'm sorry that you have this anxiety. Know how much I love you. Know that you are my number one. I will always come back for you, my little bean.